Rites of
passage have existed across various societies for thousands of years. They take many different forms. A Jewish boy’s Bar Mitzvah signals his
entrance into adulthood, and is obtained after lengthy study of the
scriptures. Many so-called primitive
cultures sent their youth into the wilderness on solo quests where they had to endure
and overcome physical and mental hardship.
200 years ago a child might work the family farm until they were able to
support their own acreage, at which time no one could deny their transition
into adulthood, and marriage and family soon followed. An apprenticeship was similar, as children
learned and finally proved their expertise in a trade, and could then work on
their own.
For the bulk
of the past 100 years, at least in American society, I would dare say that the
gaining of freedom through transportation was a major rite of passage. A defining moment for many would be getting
their driver’s license, and perhaps purchasing their own first car. This signified a move towards responsibility
and freedom. Even that, however, came
with a lengthy period of life where we proved our mastery of transportation in
greater increasing ways. How many of us
started out with tricycles or bikes with training-wheels that limited our reach
to the confines of our own yard and driveway?
Once the training wheels came off, we could ride our two-wheeler around
the neighborhood, or even around town.
We developed a sense of direction and responsibility. Eventually we graduated from bikes to a
license and car that allowed us to travel around the city or even across the
state, and the transition to independence was ours.
More recently,
absolute freedom of communication has replaced the previous milestones of
career and freedom of transportation that had previously triggered rites of
passage towards independence and responsible adulthood. For many youth now, their first phone is more
celebrated and sought than license, car, or future career. More high schoolers are putting off getting
their license, because they don’t see the allure of transportation freedom,
when the whole world is already at their fingertips. What was a large, and eagerly awaited
milestone maybe a decade ago, the bestowing of a phone has quickly moved to an
earlier and earlier age. It has become
such that it is ceasing to be a rite of passage, and moving towards an assumed
given.
Unfortunately,
very little training and preparation is being required along with the granting
of a phone. Yet statistics show that 95% of kids already have a phone by age 13. Gone are the clunky flip phones that could only
dial phone numbers without access to data.
Children are being given old iPhones whenever their parents
upgrade. This is akin to skipping a
bicycle and giving a child the keys to a 2014 SUV. It’s used, it doesn’t quite have all of the
features of a new model, it might not move as fast…but it can still do a heck
of a lot of damage!
There’s
nothing in the bible against phones. But
at the ages phones are now being given…pre-teen…10….8…5…the freedoms and
responsibilities seem entirely inappropriate.
They are often given with the best of intentions. They provide piece of mind for the parents
and a feeling of being safely connected to your children at all times. There are many apps that allow you to pull up
daily bible readings, or that can help with homework and studies. However, they also connect children to an
infinite array of the world’s evils.
Children are being equipped with a small, black, rectangular device,
which has the ability to control them.
In a sense, it is the devil’s remote.
There are
countless statistics linking pornography addiction to early access to
smartphones. Negative self-esteem issues
spike when social media, or even texting with friends, enters the picture. Suicide rates have jumped. The rate of social interaction, by that I
mean actual discussions with physically present human beings, has dwindled. And many kids will admit the ease at which
they can bypass restrictions, hide search histories, and disguise chats.
I had something
longer written, but it felt more like a thesis than a blog. I had statistic after statistic, with studies
and references. It was a thing of factual
beauty. But it was also a boring mess of
details. Not something I wanted to read
myself, and not something I figured anyone else would either. So instead, I’ll just say this, take a small
pause and think about the reasons a child needs a phone. If it is simply so they quit bugging you, or
to improve their social status, then slow down and think some more.
I’m not here
to preach. And you probably have a good
excuse to ignore the above ramblings of a grumpy dad who has misplaced nostalgia
for a less-technical world. So I’ll
return my focus to putting some sort of rite of passage back into modern life.
I spoke to a
group of 7th grade boys and their fathers a few years back. This was at an awesome event. A day spent outside, in the woods, with
physical challenges, food cooked over open fire, serious discussions, even
pocket knives (the first many of those 13 year old boys had ever owned.) It was an attempt to reinstall a meaningful rite
of passage back into our cushy, screen-filled world. At that event, we attempted to stress faith
and strong relationships and the appropriate use of various tools that could
help us through life. I would love to
say I convinced the boys to give up their phones, but since that is a lost
battle, I discussed phones as tools.
Just like those pocket knives they had received, a phone can be very useful
and very helpful. But they also have the
ability to cause a lot of harm.
Just a few
years later, I don’t think I can refer to a phone as a tool anymore. It is a siren, kept in our pockets. It’s alluring song calling out to us. A siren’s song that can’t be ignored, that
must be answered, that pushes all else to the side whenever the faint buzzing
calls to us. It calls during
dinner. It sings out in the middle of
mass. It is the last thing many see before
falling asleep at night. We must respond
to texts immediately…or else…well, I think many of us fear finding out what
horrors might befall us if we delay answering.
We must respond to the call. Not
just immature kids checking social media, but us. We are controlled. Reclaim your phone and treat it as the useful
tool it can be. Don’t let it become the
devil’s remote.
And if
anyone needs to get a hold of me this afternoon, you’ll have to leave a
message. I’m going to take off early and
pick up my kids. I think a trek into the
woods is appropriate. It’s cold and
miserable, but God has painted the leaves a rainbow of colors just for us. It might not qualify as a rite of passage,
but maybe when my kids tell stories to their kids, they’ll remember seeing the
leaves changing colors, and they’ll be able to describe the sound of the
rustling in a crisp autumn breeze.
Something that can’t be experienced on a screen. Until I can convince my wife that we need to
drop the kids off in the wilderness to grow through experiencing God’s creation
on their own solo quests (unlikely), today’s tech-free adventure will have to
do.
By: Matt Buehrig
