My bid for the White House

This spring I went on a white house silent retreat.  It was a transformative experience.  The story of St. Ignatius is very relatable to me and his Examen prayer has allowed me to see God in all things in a whole new way.  

I think it's important to try something new as it relates to our faith journey.  I often get comfortable and sink into a familiar pattern.  God seems to push me at times, encouraging me to look at my relationship with him in the same vain as I attack my work.  At work, I have goals, I put plans together, I invest in education for myself and my team.  If I took that same sense of urgency and tenacity with my walk with Christ, how could I be luke warm?

By trying something new, and going outside of my routines, God had a great surprise for me.  My relationship with Jesus, up until now, was more of a hero/fan relationship.  I admired and studied this man with the zeal of a child looking up to Superman or a major league ball player.  There was a distance between us I hadn't realized was there.  I never really considered Him my friend.  I wouldn't share my goals or fears.  I didn't see that we had much in common.  I looked up to Him, but if I was being honest, I never really wanted to hang out with Him.

The priest on my retreat told me that Jesus is not the vegetables on my plate that I force myself to eat because it's good for me.  He's the best meal I've ever had.  When I'm having a crazy time with some friends, he is there, laughing with me.  When I reach a milestone at work, he wants me to share that with him.  He is not disappointed that I'm trying to be successful.  Who do I think gave me the gifts and talents I have in the first place?  He is cracking out some of the finest wine from the wedding at Cana wanting to celebrate with me.  But I never ask. 

Well all that is changing.  No longer do I ask in prayer what he wants from me, or apologize for a weakness.  I bring it to Him.  That's it.  I just share it.  There is no explanation of steps on how I'm going to tackle an issue.  I don't have to fix anything.  All I need to do is bring it to Him and we go through life together.  I now listen for a response to my prayer.  Before, I spoke for Him, explaining what He probably felt.  If I did that with Lisa it wouldn't get me far.  

Finding God in all things, praying with my senses, and recognizing the nudge of the Holy Spirit has helped me see that Jesus is alive and active in my life.  I’ve always been able to explain it.  I’ve always understood it in my head, but the road from the head to the heart is a long one.  I think I’ve started that journey.

My faith life for so long has been something I’ve been forcing myself to do.  It was about discipline, not joy.  Now I see that God didn’t create me for that.  

I thought I’d share with you my last journal entry from the retreat.  If you haven't gone before, I suggest you give it a try.  I'll be going back next year….

The retreat is over.  Everyone is pulling out of the parking lot.  I’m not in a hurry.  I thought I would journal one last time.

I see an image of me on a sail boat crossing the sea.  I think Jesus is on the other side, so I’m paddling to reach him.  I pull my oar against the water with all my might.  My muscles are sore.  My shoulders are burnt from the sun.  I’m sweaty and smell.  I want to give up, but I labor on.  This is my calling, my lot in life.  I need to find the strength to dig harder. It's the only way I can get to him. 

Just then, St. Ignatius appears before me.  He smiles and puts his arm around my shoulder.  He calmly says, “Your boat is upside down.”  What?  What are you talking about?  “Your boat.  It’s upside down.”  Just like that he is gone.  Could it be?  Have I had it wrong this whole time?  I turn the boat over.  The giant sail that was pulling against the current like an anchor now fills with wind.  I relax as the boat soars across the sea.  I dip by finger in the cool water.  I smell and taste the salty air.  I’m almost to shore.  I know it’s You on the other side waiting for me, because for the first time in my life……I see you.

Click here to hear the song I heard driving home from the retreat...

Intellectualizing God

“Preach the gospel at all times … when necessary use words.”  St. Francis of Assisi

Recently, a student stopped to visit.  I can’t share the specifics of our conversation.  Exhausted, in a panic, he informed me he abandoned his PhD program in theology for he no longer believed there was a God.  An incredibly bright individual, he described six years of intensive, extensive studies.  He concluded independently … investigating as much as he could … an intellectually designed proof for Jesus’ resurrection from the dead.  Lacking credible documentation beyond scriptures, he concluded as have so many intellectual atheists that God does not exist.  Jesus was an admirable character folks wrote about with scriptures likely being “good lore not unlike ‘Lord of the Rings’” as my student recited.  I understood his sense of loss and panic.  He clearly desired the concrete, ultimate proof.

I don’t know that I’m good at it, but I get comfortable intellectualizing God.  One can reason both an affirming or a dissenting point of view.  I recalled the Greek word “metanoia” translates “to change your mind.”  Paul in Romans 12:2 states “be transformed by a renewal of your mind.”  My student failed to merge his life’s experiences, …wounds, healings, joys, blessings … as well as those of others to "experience" God not simply to intellectualize Him … which I hope he will pursue upon reflection.

For my student, faith meant affirming a creed, reciting prescribed prayers, and adhering to an assortment of doctrines.  (For those curious, he is not Catholic.)   However, his mental exercises did not change his heart or his lifestyle.  If anything, they hardened his heart.  We discussed how amazing it was we shared some similar experiences and drew different conclusions.  As I mentioned in an earlier post, Carl Sagan experienced some of the most profound, unraveling mysteries of astronomy, but failed to “see” God in his experiences.  Coincidences in life became statistical anomalies … discoveries and insights mental exercises in growth.  His ideas of faith were entirely limited to intellect; planting evidential support for his arguments on the ugliest actions of religions, not just Christians.

My student ignored connections between intellect and experience, especially experience beyond reason.

We can read books or watch movies depicting love, but until we experience it, we really don’t know what genuine love is.  Ask the vast number who have experienced infatuation mistaking it for love until they experienced committed love.  Furthermore, they discovered love to be a process, a decision, not a feeling.  Researching and documenting love is a far cry from the authentic experience.  Nobody trades true love for Oscar-related performances.

As with love, intellectualizing God does not open one to authenticate their relationship with God.  To have the faith of Christ (rather than simply faith in Christ), we share in a faith already lived, modeled in Jesus’ walk of humanity.  The richer journey is marked by experiences, action, relationship … then pondering in our hearts.  Articulate God delusionist and atheist, Richard Dawkins thrives where faith is defined exclusively through intellectual arguments, because so many atheists have effectively reduced Jesus and God to artifacts of ancient history, not as our actively engaged Creator always present. 

God must be experienced through living, revealed in acts of love given and received.  We need reason as it is God’s gift to us to create, understand, share, communicate, but alone, intellect is insufficient.  We need to be, must be in community with one another.  Without love, without community, we will be without God.  Jesus’ two commandments amplify love.

My student earned great grades, wrote well documented papers, followed the letter of the law (sound familiar?), but does not feel holy enough, good enough, obedient enough…. Obedience supersedes love on his journey.  He didn’t dig beyond pre-scripture to consider the centuries BC when people related to the Supreme experientially through myth, dance, story, music, fertility, and nature.  Everything everywhere tied into the supernatural and participation.

            In addition, had my student converged, isolated his focus too narrowly upon the individual?  I’ve recently become more aware of Moses and the Israelites’ journey through the desert.  The Old Testament historical books entwined the holy with the unholy.  God asked more of the Israelite community than observing and believing.  The desert journey required participation.  Love and condemnation addressed Israel as a community not individuals.  Scripture documents the Creator’s salvation-covenant with the community, the society of Israel, more so than with Moses and individuals. Is it possible to have chosen inadvertently or purposefully to privatize the faith journey to a checklist of creeds and doctrines with little consideration to our brothers and sisters?

            Jesus invited the individual, the neighbor, the outcast, the enemy within our environment into community with God.  My student is a son of the Father … Who is ridiculously in love with him.  You are a son/daughter of the Father … Who is ridiculously in love with you!

The Hardened Heart

By Fred Vilbig

I recently spent the Fourth of July with my family – all of them at once - plus, some extras. We had a family reunion at my brother’s lake house. I think in total the final count was 75.

While down at the lake with some of my older boys, we got into a discussion. The topic of gay relationships came up, and I repeated what one priest had told me. He’d said that in ministering to the gay community he’d found that not many of the men he talked to really wanted to be gay. They would’ve preferred to be straight to fit in better.

Two of my sons quickly corrected me. They told me that most of their gay friends were happy and content with themselves. They felt that everyone else had the problems.

My first question was whether their friends were telling the truth or just posturing. I thought that to myself since those kinds of questions usually go nowhere good. So I just listened to the rest of the conversation instead.

It seems to me that the full response to this kind of the statement is pretty involved. You see, Jesus rose from the dead. The Resurrection validates what He told us: He is the Son of God. As God, He could’ve chosen to have been born at any time, in any place. He could have been born in India, like Buddha. He could’ve been born in Saudi Arabia, like Mohammed. He could’ve been born in China, like Confucius. If he had been, the context of His life, death, and Resurrection would have been completely different, and context is always important.

Instead, He chose to be born in a stable in a small town that was part of an occupied Jewish community. In addition, He told us that He did not come to destroy the law, but rather to fulfill it. And Jewish law strongly condemned acts of sexual sin, including homosexuality. These acts were punishable by death.

We are all sinners in need of conversion. Jesus did not just say, “Believe the Good News.” He said, “Repent, and believe in the gospel.” Mark 1:15. It doesn’t matter what our sin is. Repentance is an integral part of our conversion.

But repentance is hard. First, we have to see our sin as sin, and we have so accepted our sin that it looks like a virtue. We have so idolized ourselves, that we do not even recognize our own sin. We have simply made ourselves into a God deciding what is right and what is wrong.

But as St. Augustine tells us, we do not rest until we rest in God. Even when we have numbed ourselves to sin, as long as we are alive, that still, small voice in the depth of our being still calls to us. God loves us more than we can even possibly imagine. Until the Day of Judgment, there is still a chance, a hope.

So what do we do for someone who is trying to silence the voice of God in their hearts? Someone who maybe has strangled off the voice of God almost completely?

We should pray. Pray the rosary. Offer a mass. Offer up all of our prayers, works, joys, and sufferings on a daily basis. Storm the walls of heaven with your prayers, and enlist all of your friends. (that is the Saints) to pray with you.

If you truly love your family and friends (even the nation), you will pray for them. It is in fact a matter of heaven or hell. And hell is a horrible place. Choose heaven.

Harvest Labor

 By Mike Hey


Matthew 9:37-38
Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest.”

This Gospel passage must have been on Jim Dunne’s mind as he approached me recently to join the PX90 Blog Team. Matthew’s call for evangelism resonated with me. My name is Mike Hey. Many of you know me from Holy Infant Parish and PX90. I have always enjoyed and benefited from our blog, and acknowledge the responsibility and trust placed in me. The big shoes of Fred Vilbig, Ben Harris, Jim, and the other writers will be a challenge to match and I pray my occasional message resonates as powerfully as theirs. I shared with my wife Lucy this writing opportunity and she reminded me (does so often) to keep it short and simple. It’s a blog, not “Atlas Shrugged”.

I had fallen away from the Church for a long time, but blessedly the Holy Spirit reemerged in my life three and half years ago, returning me to my Lord and Church. I am using this opportunity to share some thoughts and reflections with you that I have had preparing my faith Witness for the Holy Infant Parish Men’s CRHP (Christ Renews His Parish) this September 17-18, 2016. Shameless plug – if you have not attended CRHP previously, or it’s been a while for you, please prayerfully consider joining us.

Continuing on the CRHP Formation Team I volunteered to present a witness on spiritual renewal. Seemed like an appropriate topic for this fallen, now returned Catholic. Initially frightened about the whole witness process, as the writing progressed I found it to be cathartic. Prayerful reflection with appeals to the Holy Spirit for guidance enabled me to focus my mind and heart on this important message. Good family memories, and bad memories of past mistakes reemerged which I was able to examine at length. Researching supporting scripture passages was enlightening and fun. Our life experiences fashion the character and person we are today. Reflecting on my life before returning to the Church made me realize how much time had been lost that I’ll never recover. Sadly I missed out on a special friendship with Jesus, who would have guided me through the mess my life was at times. What little wisdom I have acquired in 60 years told me that I needed to stop beating myself up about these transgressions, make a full and complete Reconciliation (done), and resolve to live a Christ-centered life.

Most importantly, this experience has offered me a special opportunity to thank our Lord for the graces which comprise the rich life of faith I now enjoy.

Philemon 6
And I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective for the full knowledge of every good thing that is in us for the sake of Christ.

A belated Happy Father’s Day to all you Dads and Grandfathers.