Being vs Doing

“Next to the Blessed Sacrament itself, your neighbor
is the holiest object presented to your senses.” 

— C. S. Lewis

I am a creature of habit. As an engineer, my habit is looking at everything as a problem that is in need of a solution. This approach of course is very effective when there actually is a problem to solve. Difficulties arise when all of life's situations are viewed in this light. Experience has shown me that this attitude is actually a detriment in many situations, as it puts me in a mode of activity, a mindset of 'doing.'

One area where this approach has caused real issues is in my relationships, especially with the people I know the best. I am so keen at noticing the splinters in their eye. My habit kicks in, and all of the sudden I have a plan on how to help them remove it, which usually looks something like this:

1. Help them recognize the splinter (subtly if possible, but overtly if necessary)
2. Offer advice on how to change
3. Remind them when the splinter shows up again

You can probably guess (or know from experience) how that plan usually plays out...

Another fatal flaw I have is stubbornness. You would think that as an engineer I would notice when a plan is not meeting its goals, and re-evaluate. You would think I would notice that reapplying this same plan over and over as new splinters appear, each time failing miserably, is not working and I would start to recognize the cause that is bringing on this effect - the HUGE LOG in my own eye…

The mindset of 'doing' is woven into the fabric of our society. Its a tough nut to crack. And there can be great charity in doing, no question. But I have come to realize that there is equal, if not greater, value in just being.

My mission experience over the past 2 years has helped to bring this truth to light in my life. That first time serving I, like all the first timers, had a mindset of doing. We wanted to do everything we could to help those poor people – always wanting to be active, always looking for work to do, impatient when we were just sitting around. This is such a common experience that the staff at Amigos for Christ actively fights against it. They understand that the real value in any mission like this is getting to know the people, and you can only do that if you are in the mode of ‘being’.

I remember the first morning, they explicitly told us “We want you to get to know the people you are serving. Yes, you are here to build schools, or dig trenches for water lines, and yes those things are all important – but they will get done whether you help a little or alot.  And it is meaningful and will help these people take one more step. But the reality is you will go back to your lives next week, and these people will still be here. What’s more valuable is that you get to know them – talk to them, see the humanity we share, understand their lives, understand that they are not much different than you and I, that they are beloved children of God who dream and laugh and hope and cry and love. So today if you have a choice between continuing to dig your ditch, or stopping to talk to a Nicaraguan – PLEASE stop Doing and just Be for awhile.”

That advice changed my whole experience in Nica, and is starting to change my everyday life. People’s lives are not problems that need solutions – they are treasures to behold, mysteries to unpack, glorious gifts that reveal life's truths.  People are the holiest thing we will ever get a chance to know deeply on this side of heaven. I have to change my mindset to treat them as such…

How about you – do you look at people and see their problems and treat them accordingly?  Do old grudges or judgements come to mind and taint our interactions? 

Thanksgiving is a great time just to 'be' with the ones we love, appreciating them for the gifts they are in our lives... 

May God Bless you this Thanksgiving