Humility

I have spent the majority of my adult life with fluctuating weight.  I’ve also spent that entire time with a vision of myself as the athlete I once was.  If it weren’t for the mirrors in our home showing ever increasing glimpses of an aging, fat man walking around in my clothes, I would probably still be able to keep up that internal fantasy of myself as an athletic youth.  However, I am proud to say that I had been running again recently, and that I had slowly built up my running mileage quite a bit.  I was praying the rosary and able to get into some deep thought during my long runs in solitude through the trails, paths, and roads around our home.  I was thanking God for my improved health and all of His blessings upon me.  Some people exercise because they have excellent self-discipline and know that it is good for them.  I ran because I enjoyed it.  Truly and honestly, when I am out running, especially along dirt trails winding through the trees, I really love it.  I was convinced that God was awarding me with regained youthful energy for some greater purpose.

And then it all ended abruptly.  Massive injury.  A pop.  A tear.  I had blown out my ankle on a morning run.  I briefly wondered why God was telling me not to get into better shape, and why He didn’t want me to exercise anymore.  Why didn’t He want me to have time alone to pray and meditate?  I came to the conclusion that I was destined to be injured, but in His loving compassion, God must have allowed the injury to occur close to home on that day, instead of miles away on some obscure trail by myself.  I figure that’s a pretty mature and faith-filled response in answer to the question “Why?”  Because I am such a good person, and running has given me such clarity in my faith, I was able to come up with this meaningful rationale. 

As I was telling my story to a very close, and intelligent, priest friend this weekend, he interrupted and announced loudly, “It was to teach you humility.”  Hmm.  I never did like that guy.  Just because someone is a priest, doesn’t mean they are smart.  Humility!?  What does he know anyway?

And so, as I write this blog, and prepare to post my very important thoughts onto the internet for the entire world to stop and read, I ponder the meaning of humility.  Why would I assume anyone wants to read something that I put forth?  What does my story have to do with faith or fatherhood or family?  Is anyone even still reading at this point?    When we are humble, we do not need to be boastful or showy.  Jesus was humble, but His words were always impactful.  Humility allows us to speak the truth and be confident that truth is all we need.  We don’t need to add fluff or excess to get a point across.  We can simply let the truth be known, confident that is enough. 

I feel like now is a good time to clarify some points to the story about my running injury.  Really, I can’t even say I was running…that day it was an easy jog, and I was on a sidewalk near our home.  There are no good anecdotes about hurdling over a log, or crashing across a slippery rock on a creek crossing during a 10 mile trail race.  I wasn’t even running away from the sharp antlers of an 8-point buck, or a charging bear, or a herd of rabid wolverines.  That would have been a cool story!  Nope, none of that.  Truth be told, I hopped over a sprinkler going across the sidewalk, and blew out my ankle on the landing.  I like to say that I ‘blew out my ankle’, because it has connotations of a more rigorous nature, but it’s an ankle sprain, plain and simple.  This isn’t an injury from some intense contact sport.  It’s an ankle sprain…similar to the injury my grandma had…when she was 86.

The truth is, I was injured trying to avoid a light spray of water in the air!  The truth is, I have no more right or ability to be writing a blog post about faith than anyone else out there.  The truth is, we have no right to anything in our lives…not health or wealth or relationships or possessions.  We are injured beings, created to enjoy perfection with God, but we are fallen.  If we have a moment of health or wealth or comfort, then it is all due to God’s loving grace.  If those fleeting gifts leave us, then we should still rejoice as we seek the eternal ecstasy of our salvation.   

In baptism God allows simple water to wash away the horrible stain of original sin.  Apparently if my priest friend is correct, He also allows a lawn sprinkler to wash humility over a middle-aged Ballwin man.  This month, I have no words of my own that contain wisdom worth sharing.  I can only remind you that God’s Word contains the truth of life.  Read it…seek it out in the sacraments…and find healing of soul, amidst the injuries of this life.

-Matt Buehrig