The Power of Weakness

As I write this, I’m laid up in bed. Achilles surgery and shattered bone spur removal has left me immobile and on pretty serious pain medicine. The meds and laying around for a few weeks have caused my diverticulitis to act up and now I have an infection with a fever that produces crazy stressful dreams or total insomnia.

I thought this was going to be a simple outpatient snip. I guess the fever and migraines from the infection help me not notice the pain in my foot. I have never had surgery before. Heck, I’ve never had a broken bone or even a cavity. I’ve always just taken my body for granted. It just does what its supposed to do and I don’t really think about it. Yes, I’m noticing that I’m a bit more sore in the morning then when I was in my 20s and 30s, and I’ve had a flu or two, but I’ve never really been down and out like this. I can see how it can get depressing for people. You start to get frustrated and feel helpless. The simplest things are now the biggest events of the day.

However, in my moment of self pity, I realize a few important things. First, I can offer my suffering up. Our faith teaches us that someone else can receive grace from my struggles. As I pray for this, my agony doesn’t seem pointless. The sheer idea lifts my spirits and takes me another step toward recovery. I’ve also realized what great love and support I have around me with my family. I’ve always known that Lisa has a black belt in nurturing, but it’s been amazing to see my daughters join in. I watch as they bring me jello, or ice, or rub lotion on my feet, that they are not doing this out of obligation. They are doing it out of love. You can tell they enjoy it. I never really realized how trying to be the tough guy that didn’t need help from anyone, was prohibiting the experience of serving, and blocking the love those around me need to express.

I also realize that my big, important job isn’t that big or important. Closing another contract and hitting our sales targets don’t seem so important at 3am when you can't sleep and your head is throbbing. Oh, and things seem to run just fine without me standing in a panic watching over everything. God is offering me another lesson in faith. That I should put my heart into my work, but let Him worry about the outcome. Early this morning I heard the birds chirping outside. I'm usually not up at this hour, and I didn't know they sing in total darkness, before the sun rises. Before the sun rises. They don’t fly in a panic, calling a meeting with the other birds about what to do if the sun doesn’t come up today. They start their song, knowing that it will rise. They believe. I think of the small farming community that was suffering a long drought. They gathered in the church to pray for rain but only one kid brought an umbrella. That’s the kind of faith I need.

So I’m encouraged. I know that even if I’m not running around, taking care of all my worldly responsibilities, things will be ok. I don’t have to be a superhero at home or at work. Offer it up, let those you love help, and have faith that you are in His hands.