Don't try to fix the problem, let the problem fix you.

There comes a time in every man’s life where his focus begins to shift.  What used to be plans and dreams of the future, transitions to looking back with nostalgia on the way things used to be.  I think I might be getting there.  I’m not fifty yet, but watching my oldest children start their adult lives has me thinking about when I left the nest and started my own little nuclear unit.  Everything felt like anticipation.  "I can’t wait until we get married."  "Just imagine what it will be like when we get out of this crappy apartment and have a house, with a yard full of little kids!"  It’s an exciting time, but it's not easy.  Relatively quickly, you discover that not all of your plans come to fruition.  It’s hard to find a job that provides for your family.  Your kids get sick.  That yard you dreamed about needs to be mowed again, and your soul mate snores like a drunk Viking.  

Lisa and I spent a lot of time and energy trying to protect our kids so they didn’t feel the stress or loneliness that we felt growing up.  The truth of the matter is, no matter how hard we tried, once they got out there, life found them.  Trying to start a career, a family, and a first home sounds like the American dream, but what do you tell your kid when his dream job is frustrating and stressful?   What can I do as I watch the romance of finding a home turn into gut wrenching rejection of offer after offer?  How do you console a daughter who lost the baby she announced to the family was due Christmas Eve?  I remember when I could fix my kid’s problems.  They saw me as a superhero who could fix anything.  There was nothing I couldn’t take care of.  But my kids are grown now, and the struggles they are facing are bigger than me. 

Hardships continue to come at our family and as tempting as it is for Lisa and I to try and shield ourselves and the kids from it, we had to learn to trust that everything is going to be ok.  As we watch them begin, stumble, and begin again, we have to remember that they have something that we didn’t when we started out.  They have a relationship with Christ and His church.  Having a strong faith life doesn’t keep the storms from coming, but it does create a port for you to tie onto as you wait for it to pass.  You recognize that your life isn’t about you and what you want.  That you are being led.  It takes trust and patience, but the one you are following has a better plan for you than you do.  My kids know that, so as hard as things get, they don’t have the same fear that Lisa and I battled with most of our lives.  That fear might have gotten us far in the world, but looking back, we spent a large portion of our journey fighting and kicking, rather than being held and guided. 

A good friend of mine last week confided in me that his son came out to him as being gay.  I hear him tearfully explain how all the things he worked for and envisioned for his family and legacy, are now gone.  I know that fear.  We all have a movie in our minds of how our life is supposed to go.  The problem is, it never really works out the way we plan it.  No matter how hard we try, there are somethings that will always be outside of our control.  Real joy and peace comes when we build a relationship with the one who is, and trust and follow Him.  My prayers for my family have slowly changed over the years.  I no longer ask for things to work out the way I think they should, I pray for them to work out the way He thinks they should, and for Him to grant me the wisdom to recognize that and embrace it.