Reflections on Dad

by Mike Hey

Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.

As Father’s Day approaches I have been finding myself thinking about my Dad. At odd times, even dreams. Perhaps this is his way of letting me know that even dead; he is still always with me. He was a quiet man, stoic perhaps, who worked hard and loved his family. Sound like yours? He was a man’s man who had no issues telling us that he loved us, which he did frequently. He also loved his country, and what is reported as news today would have him rolling over in his grave. Mom always says that she misses him terribly but is glad he is not alive today to witness our world.

Growing older has given me a small measure of wisdom and some of that is a realization of how remarkable this common man was. He had a good job managing the Budgets Department at McDonnell Douglas. But his job never surpassed his family. We were always first, Mom and three kids. I know of at least one occasion where he passed on a lucrative executive promotion. Mom and I did not like the thought of leaving the country. Today I still think it was one of the most selfish acts I’ve ever done, foolish too for a missed opportunity. Dad never said a thing about it, just returned to work like it was never offered.

My relationship with my father was complicated at times. As a teenager and until I starting working myself one could have characterized me as an asshole. Seemed the more I rebelled the harder he came down on me. Neither of us was willing to compromise. Man we had some fights, mostly because of foolish shit I’d do. Tough lessons. When I did listen to him, fortunately, I did learn some valuable lessons. The first was how to treat women. It was always evident to us kids that Mom and Dad were deeply in love. They talked often. He listened to her and respected her. Later in his life I heard him tell a friend that Mom was his best friend. A second lesson was saving and investing money. Were it not for him, and my likeminded wife, I’d be a pauper today. I was well into my thirties when I finally realized how smart Dad had become. A good athlete himself who may have missed a chance in professional baseball when the Korean War came along, he was the best coach I ever had. My brother and sister would agree. Dad gave up an enormous amount of his free time; I’m sure at the expense of his career, to coach us. I learned more about baseball and basketball by the time I was 10 years old than most people will learn in a lifetime. We played the game correctly. This cursed me because watching a Cardinals game today just makes me crazy. Poor guy tried to teach me golf and that probably cost him a good year of life expectancy. As much as I play these days I hope he’s finally getting a laugh watching me struggle.

He was not perfect. Only one Man ever was. Dad was an alcoholic, a quiet drunk. I can only recall one time as a kid seeing him loaded, and it was after our Khoury League baseball team won a championship where he was partying with the rest of the parents. He was a lifelong smoker and it killed him too soon. It does not escape me that the beer and cigarettes were his stress reducers, knowing that I had a significant role in the stress.

I think he would be mostly pleased with his firstborn. I survived Mike’s stupid years. I know he is delighted that I returned to the Church and am involved in my faith and spiritual growth. He struggled with his faith as well, especially as an older man. I pray to him and for him, probably not as much as I should. Note to self. I often seek his guidance especially as it regards my aging mother. You know; what would Dad do stuff. Maybe this is how his memory keeps regularly returning?

There is an annual rebroadcast on Father’s Day of an old Jack Buck program. It is usually in the 11 o’clock hour on KMOX Sports on a Sunday morning. If you’ve heard it you know what I’m going to say. If you haven’t you should try to listen. The only spoiler alert I’ll give you is that if you haven’t had a good cry in a while – listen.

So Dad’s probably saying to himself finish your blog before you start boring your audience – you’re already boring me! You men fortunate enough to still have your Dad should say a prayer of thanks for him this Father’s Day. Spend some time with the man who gave you life and all the blessings in it. Tell him you love him. I’ll visit my father’s gravesite and do the same.

Proverbs 3:11-12
My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke,  because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.