Keepin’ it Real

Normally I ask out of courtesy.  “How you doing?”  That question is often answered with, “Oh, you know, staying busy. Same old, same old.  Kids are growing up so fast, the days just run together, you know.”  A few pleasant smiles, maybe a complaint about politics or the LA Rams.  I go on about my day.  I mention to my wife that I ran into so and so today.  “Oh, how are they doing?”  “They are doing good.  He looks good.”  “That’s nice.”  Then I think about it.  Are they doing good?  Did I ask?  Did I really even want to know?

The next day, it happens again.  “Hey!  What is the good word my friend?”  “Not much.”  “How are you doing?”  “Can’t complain.”  Then I catch myself.  I slow down, look him squarely in the eyes and sincerely say, “How are you doing?”  He’s put off by the awkward stare and direct question.  “I’m fine.”  I slow down even more.  I grab both of his shoulders and ask, “Seriously.  How are you?”  I saw the look in his eye, asking me if I really meant it, and seeing that, yes, I absolutley did.  His gaze goes to the ground.  “I’m struggling.  Sarah and I don’t love each other anymore.  I’m one bad quarter away from getting fired at work, and I think Jason is into drugs.  I’m totally lost.”

Why do I go through so much of my life without having real conversations with people?  Am I that busy?  That selfish?  That shallow?  Somewhere along the line, I learned that I needed to be productive.  Just bottomline it for me and I’ll make a quick decision and move on.  Move on to what?  A life full of meaningless acquaintances?  I have 20 year relationships with people that I interact with regularly and I honestly don’t know the first thing about who they really are.  Past the pretty Christmas card photo and linkedin profile, what is really going on in the wet basement of their lives?  What is the point of having a friend if all you talk about is the DOW Jones and the cost of tuition?  What would happen if I took my mask off every once in a while, and was truly venerable to someone I trust?  What if I let them see the real me and asked them just to stand with me through what I’m going through?

It’s time we change.  It’s time that we slow down and give our undivided attention to the person across from us.  That we share all of ourselves, the good and the bad.  Only then can we minister to each other.  Only then can we truly create a bond that is real and lasting.  I read a quote out of A Hobbit A Wardrobe and A Great War by Joseph Loconte. It’s a book about J.R.R. Tolkien’s friendship with C.S. Lewis and how the events of WWI shaped their views on life, transformed their writing, and grew them together as best friends.  

I like this quote about friendship:

You will not find the warrior, the poet, the philosopher or the Christian by staring into his eyes as if he were your mistress: better to fight beside him, read with him, argue with him, pray with him.

If you want a shot in the arm of real fellowship, one that laughs at the pleasantries and gets down to the nitty gritty of brotherhood, go on CRHP.  I remember my first CRHP like it was yesterday.  I couldn’t believe I started talking about things with men I’d known for 4 hours, that I hadn’t shared with my “best friend” of 30 years.  The peace that came from it.  The camaraderie that is shared when you get real with people.  I still see guys from that weekend 15 years later and there is still this extra glance.  It’s hard to describe.  It’s just a shared experience that is so transforming.

Stop worrying about being late.  Your to do list will always be there.  There are only certain opportunities for us to experience real human connection.  When we give or receive it, there is a euphoria that happens.  That experience is what occurs when God’s children are living fully in His will, doing His work, radiating His love.