The Power of Story

This past Satday morning at PX90 the focus was CRHP.  For those of you who don't know, CRHP stands for Christ Renews His Parish.  CRHP is a retreat put on by ordinary men like you and me - no experience necessary.  At PX90 we had one of the men who is currently preparing to give the weekend talk about his faith journey.

As I sat listening, I was reminded of the power of story. Story is a big part of the retreat, and one of the wonderful realizations from the experence - at least in my opinion - is that everyone is broken and on a journey to becoming whole again.  And if one takes the time to look, it is easy to see that God is always right there, walking the path with us.

If your heart longs for this same sense of fellowship in your brokeness, then I strongly suggest you consider attending the mens CRHP retreat at Holy Infant on jan 30-31 to hear more stories from more broken men on the journey like you and me.

So in that vain, here is part of my story...
My son Kevin was born with dysplastic kidneys stemming from development issues while in the womb. After struggling through a year and half, Kevin weighed in at a mere 17 lbs. and had fallen off the growth charts. He hadn’t grown at all over the past 6 months despite our worries and efforts. We finally decided to have a feeding tube placed in Kevin’s stomach. The tube would allow us to better control his nutritional intake. Unfortunately, the first attempt at placing the tube did not set correctly, as the skin around the incision wouldn’t heal. After about 2 weeks of struggling with this, they had to go in and sew the first attempt shut, and then cut into him again. Watching your 2 year old son go through this agonizing experience is something I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy. I kept asking God to give me his pain and suffering, to allow me to bear it for him.

Watching Kevin struggle through the early years of his life was a challenge, as you might imagine.  As his father I wrestled with the reality that I could not remove the suffering he was enduring, and I could not prevent the future difficulties he would face. This was my job, one of the responsibilities as his father, yet there was nothing I could do. This helpless feeling gnawed at me. Karen and I kept saying “God would not give us anything we cannot handle,” but I’m not sure I believed that with all my heart at the time. I would often go into his room at night, while he was sleeping, and place my hand on his abdomen, and ask God that if it be His will, bring healing to my son - but if this was not to be, that He give my wife and family, and especially Kevin, the strength and courage to deal with what was to come for him.

So, when the doctors were recommending we go ahead with transplant surgery in 2005 when Kevin was 4 years old, I saw this as my opportunity to play my role as the father. Karen and I decided I would be the donor , which gave me the chance to give Kevin my kidney and thus relieve his suffering and give him the ability to be just another one of the boys. I understood that it would mean some suffering for me through the surgery and recovery, but in my mind this was a small price to pay to alleviate his pain and suffering. This is what a father does for his beloved son.

Kevin and I started the process together, as we each met with multiple doctors and had various tests run to verify a good organ match, which all turned out positive. Another pre-requisite was my health – if there was any risk that donating my kidney would adversely affect my health, then I could not be considered for donation. Being a fairly fit 38 year old man, we didn’t think this was going to be an issue. I flew through the examinations and we were getting close to the planned date for the transplant, when a doctor noticed that a result from one of my blood tests was just outside of the normal range. The test was for prostate cancer. There is a history of cancer in my family, so the test was rerun, with similar results. Next came a biopsy, which confirmed that I had early stage cancer of the prostate.

No one ever wants to hear that word - cancer - and of course I was shocked and afraid - but that is not the point or focus of this part of my story. You see, typically prostate cancer does not develop in 38 year old men – in fact most doctors don’t even consider screening for this form of cancer until the mid-forties even though it is a simple blood test, as it is rare to find men younger who have it.

The point is that if it was not for my son Kevin, and the fact that he was born with malfunctioning kidneys, and had endured and persevered to this point in his life – if it was not for this cross God gave him to bear, that cancer would have gone undetected inside of me and would have continued to grow and develop for at least 7 more years. The consequences of that will never be known, but I believe and can say without a doubt that Kevin saved my life.

Take a minute to appreciate the irony here - Me, this strong, mature, grown man who thought he was taking control of the situation and doing this wonderful thing for his child was given an unexpected precious gift from his thin, frail, struggling son. The part of his life that I had spent so many hours praying would go away is the very same aspect that would extend my life. I was trying to lay down my life in order to love my son – and instead he gave back to me my life.

Karen and I saw God’s hand all over these circumstances – how could you not! I think these events were a turning point in my view of this situation and God’s role in it, and in my life. Kevin’s health issues no longer felt like a huge burden, as we allowed God to carry much of it . I no longer prayed out of fear of the future and what it held for us, but rather thanked God for the blessing of who Kevin was with total confidence that God was in control, and that He would walk with Karen and I down the path ahead of us.

So as I came to an understanding of all of this, my fears slowly fizzled and I started to feel peaceful and confident in God’s providence. In November of 2005 I had my prostate, and all the cancer in it, removed – and I have been cancer free ever since. Except for the scares on my belly, today it is like the surgery never happened.

Because of Kevin’s fairly stable condition, we were able to wait another few years before thinking again about a transplant. In July of 2008 it was time. Kevin was put on the organ donation list, and at 3: 30AM on the morning of August 26th, 2008 we got the call. At 2: 17PM that day Kev went in to the surgery room, and appeared a few hours later with a new kidney! The transplant went well, and we could immediately tell it was working – Kevin had color in his cheeks and was sweating – things his body had never done before with the damaged kidneys. We were amazed and gave praise to God!

God held Kevin, and our family, in the palm of His hand during the surgery and subsequent recovery period. Slowly we started to hear stories of how the Holy Infant school and community had come together to offer prayers and actions on behalf of Kevin. Mrs. Carel, Kevin’s 2nd grade teacher, took her class to the chapel at 2: 30PM that day, as soon as she heard he was in surgery . She led Kevin’s classmates in reciting the rosary asking Mary to cradle and comfort Kevin during the next couple of hours. That evening, at the Holy Infant Back-To-School night at which I was supposed to talk, it was announced that Kevin’s transplant had been a success, and I have heard the applause was loud and long with many teary eyes in the crowd. We heard from so many people offering their thoughts and prayers. It was overwhelming, and I often say we lived in a grace filled bubble those 6 months. Our community was truly God’s hands, feet and words during this time.

Today Kevin is a freshman in High School, and is your typical teenager with a messy room and even messier eating habits.  His kidney is strong and he lives a life with little or no apparent effects from his earlier malladies.  We are told a typical transplanted kidney lasts between 10 and 20 years.  We pray with confidence that when the time comes, there will be another kidney for Kevin.

I look back on this part of my journey and am still in awe.  I just turned 48 a few months ago, and needless to say it has been an interesting 48 years – but I have great faith that God’s love will help me navigate the final half of my life’s journey, which I am sure will be filled with storms of its own.