Time to LEAD, Not to LEAVE

No doubt the scandal within the church has touched our lives, once again wreaking havoc and casting uncertainty into our systems of belief and trust.    The evil one scatters - that is what he seeks.  The events we have recently been made aware of can advance that goal. We individually can give it - give him - that power.

Or, if we choose, we can view this time as a call to gather, recommitting to a true faith in Christ and to endure.

I encourage you to watch one priests' response...

Why do I drink so much?

I myself, as well as a majority of my friends have at one point or another asked this question. It often stems from alcohol causing some kind of problem in their life, health or relationships. So they jump on the wagon and cut back on the late nights, but eventually, find their way back to their old ways. An easy answer would be to point towards the addictive nature of alcohol. The effects it has on the chemicals of the brain create a physical craving that can be hard to ignore. Although there are very real situations with chemical addiction  that plague our society, in many situations, I believe there is more to the story.

Today’s modern man often creates a barrier of protection when in social situations. A recent study looked at men and women and their social engagements both before and after consuming alcohol. For the women, in both situations, they were comfortable sharing and being vulnerable to each other. Men however, appeared to use alcohol to help them remove this armor they wear, before they could utilize the same outlet. Today’s man has the pressure of being strong, providing for their family, and acting as a role model to their employees and children. This shortcoming of not regularly sharing their insecurities or anxieties can be isolating and lonely for men. Often they find themselves trying to portray to the world that they are a man who has it all figured out, when deep down they know that they don’t.

As the frustration and exhaustion builds, so does the need to escape - to step outside of themselves and their responsibilities even for a moment. I think too often we say boys will be boys, rather than looking at the root cause of human behavior.

When studying drug addiction, scientists put a rat in a cage with two water bottles. One was laced with heroin and cocaine, and the other, only water. The rat consistently drank only the drugged water until he died of an overdose. The experiment proved the power of chemical addiction. However, a psychologist named Bruce Alexander noticed that the rat was in a cage by himself. So he built a rat park, with lots of balls, tunnels, and other rats to play and have sex with. It was basically rat heaven.

When the same two water bottles were introduced to rat park, the drug laced water was rarely used and no rats overdosed.

He looked at this phenomenon as it related to the war of Vietnam. Several soldiers were using heroin regularly while coping with the conditions of war, and American politicians were concerned that we would have an epidemic of drug addicts returning after the war was over. However 95% of heroin users quit instantly when they came home. Why? They were back at their rat heaven, with friends, family, and no one trying to kill them.

So it’s not just the chemicals, it’s your cage. When we are happy and healthy, we will bond with the people we love in our lives. When we are traumatized, isolated or beaten down by the stress of everyday life, we search for something to give us some sense of relief. It might be incessantly checking your email on your phone, pornography, gambling, watching sports, drinking…whatever.

It’s also important to recognize that isolation is on the rise. The number of close friends people claim to have has decreased every decade since the 50s. Our houses are getting larger, but our family sizes are getting smaller. We seem to be getting ahead, but feel more alone than ever. This is where unhealthy relationships with vices are born.

The solution to addiction is not sobriety. The solution to addiction is connection.

The greatest connection you can have is with God. If you know that you are loved, and you truly believe that no matter what, God will provide for you, the weight you carry will lessen, as will your desire to escape isolation. So before you simply hop on the wagon again, start with strengthening your relationship with God and spending time in community with others.

Man has often misunderstood the blessing of alcohol. Like so many gifts from God, Satan can take what is beautiful and pure and twist it into something that separates rather than unifies. Jesus himself was accused of drinking too much in Matthew 11:19 The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners.’ Jesus chose creating wine in Cana as his first miracle. He chose this same drink as the vehicle to come to us in the Eucharist at every mass. We have a God who came down to earth to show us the proper intent of this unique gift, as well as many others.

So for all of us men who I am blessed with the bonds of your friendship as well as the longing for release from our daily battles, I raise my glass to you. Let us drink to celebrate the joy God himself has provided us, and remember that we are never alone. Then let’s pay the tab and head home, bringing to those we love and fight for, a man with a pure and lightened heart.

I pray that one day, we will realize that the temporarily release from ourselves and this world is simply our cheap substitute for what is stamped into our hearts, a longing for heaven and connection with God.

A Sacrifice for Family

As a father of five children all under the teenage dream years, I understand well the pull for time in countless directions in and out of each and every day. In no specific order, I have a career requiring a large investment of my time, I have a wife who I try to keep on a pedestal with my every decision, I have friends and social events where time spent are not only beneficial for my own personal health and sanity, but also possibly benefit my career. There are extracurricular events that require planning and a serious commitment of time. I don't need to explain any of the aforementioned to a parent to paint the picture that time is stretched thin and more valuable than one can imagine. If I had more of it, how would I spend it?

I'll begin by stating after my faith and relationship with my creator, my wife is my #1 (I guess that technically makes her my #2, huh?). Without a thriving and flourishing relationship with my wife, the rest of my entire life would suffer, especially the relationships with my children. So with that statement made, my children are my next priority before anything else. Memories from any fatherly relationship during my childhood are few and far-in-between. Not to fault my dad in any way as he did what he had to do. However, I promised myself that I'd be a better father than my own dad was to me.

There are quite a few things I could mention that prevent me from sacrificing for my own children. Among some of them are not having enough time, being tired, that ballgame on the TV that I really want to watch with a beer, my friends inviting me out to get a drink up the road, a bad day in the office, or a lack of spare cash. I am certain any father could relate to those and come up with their own list of temptations keeping them from investing time in their children.

This video above may crack open a few hardened hearts. The young girl figured out the sacrifices made by her father. Most of our children may never in their lives see things as depicted in this production, but isn't it our job to make the sacrifice regardless? When you are faced with a decision this week, remember the dad who falls asleep on the couch every night. Remember how much he sacrifices and ask yourself, “What will prevent me from sacrificing for my kids?” I hope the answer is nothing.

Shortest Parable to Southern California

Jesus said, “The reign of God is like a mustard seed which someone took and sowed in his field.  It is the smallest seed of all, yet when full grown it is the largest of plants.  It becomes so big a shrub that the birds of the sky come and build their nests in its branches.” (Mt 13:31-32)

While cycling along old Route 66 across Missouri in mid-June from Joplin, gigantic green machines harvested wheat. I knew for certain, if I’d ride a Deere north tracing fields of wheat as they ripened during the shorter, later growing season, I’d eventually thunder across the border on into Manitoba. Spring invites planting and summer harvesting. I consider the gardener’s labor sacred; grooming soils, planting seed, nurturing plants, harvesting vegetables and fruits, perhaps even honey! And then, we nourish our bodies consuming the meals they provide!

As I pedaled Route 66, dandelions outlining a brief stretch of pavement reminded me of a story aunts living in San Jose shared with me when I was a kid. Fr. Junipero Serra (beatified by JPII in ‘88’) sailed from Spain to Vera Cruz, Mexico, in 1749. In 1769, he hiked into a land now known as California. As he hiked, Serra scattered mustard seeds along his footpath over 700 miles north to Sonoma. Upon his return traveling south, he followed a trail of yellow, created in wild mustard plants leading him home. 

At its southern access on Presidio Hill, he established the first of nine missions, Mission of San Diego. Approximately every thirty miles, a day’s horse ride, he established eight additional missions, popularly called the, Rosary of Missions, including San Gabriel, San Luis Obispo, San Francisco, Santa Clara, San Carlos Borromeo de Carmelo (Carmel, CA), San Buenaventra (Ventura). Nineteen additional missions arose around them after Serra’s death. The path linking these together became the El Camino Real.  

Nearly 300 – one-hundred pound bells marked The Royal Road as it was named later. Many sections of El Camino Real became California’s first state highway and those later became US Highway 101! The ocean’s breezes have blown mustard seeds across the entire state leaving little terrain where one won’t find the wild yellow flowers. From tiny seeds and nearly three centuries of growth, this yellow ribbon has grown to be one of the most prolific beautiful areas in the world!

I can imagine Jesus entranced, marveling at the tiny seed’s potential as he drew its description of the Kingdom of God. I appreciate author Kathy Coffey’s thoughts. “It’s interesting that Jesus didn’t describe heaven using any of the popular stereotypes. No mention of harps, clouds, or cutesy winged creatures. Instead, he speaks of the painfully slow, silent growth of seed, or the grains of yeast in dough. The process is so gradual, we rarely see it happen. The end result catches us by surprise.” Jesus invites us to plant, to be active in the Kingdom!!! In western Kansas, we’d bless the seed before we planted it in the ground. In the fall, we’d host celebrations in thanksgiving for a rich harvest. Today, in my garden, despite my displeasure, God provides for the squirrels, birds, chipmunks, and even the turtles.


Coffey elegantly writes, “If the seed could speak it might tell us that appearances are deceptive, that a speck no bigger than a gnat contains more than we’d ever dream. It might hearten us in our small, ungallant efforts, promising that they are part of something larger than we see. When Jesus chose the growth of mustard seed as a parable of God’s reign, he pointed to process, not achievement; gradual increments, not instant results.”


From dust and seed, I have come to be. As I pedaled the next 320 miles, I pondered the seeds of the Kingdom we plant in the care of our Lord’s moist hands. I pictured the roses honoring Mary as she graces couples’ weddings. I chuckled recalling stories as my daughter laughed pruning her strawberry patch gone rogue. Photos of seed orientations surfaced in my mind from former students’ science fair projects. I refocused a National Geo story about seed discovered well beyond the years of Jesus’ time on earth planted recently and germinating into a date palm. I marveled as purple asters emerged through seemingly impenetrable rock crowning bluffs overlooking the Meramec River.

           

A Google “seeds” search churned 722 billion items in 0.57 seconds. How does the shortest parable blossom into our poems, prayers, music, gardens, art, careers, dreams, novels, Broadway shows, friendships and children? What are you planting? Seeds imply life, but I’ve said nothing about nurturing. Go ahead. Create in the Kingdom. Plant, nurture seeds of change, beauty, fruit, life! May the end-result amaze, inspire your spirit to wonder!