Why do I drink so much?

I myself, as well as a majority of my friends have at one point or another asked this question. It often stems from alcohol causing some kind of problem in their life, health or relationships. So they jump on the wagon and cut back on the late nights, but eventually, find their way back to their old ways. An easy answer would be to point towards the addictive nature of alcohol. The effects it has on the chemicals of the brain create a physical craving that can be hard to ignore. Although there are very real situations with chemical addiction  that plague our society, in many situations, I believe there is more to the story.

Today’s modern man often creates a barrier of protection when in social situations. A recent study looked at men and women and their social engagements both before and after consuming alcohol. For the women, in both situations, they were comfortable sharing and being vulnerable to each other. Men however, appeared to use alcohol to help them remove this armor they wear, before they could utilize the same outlet. Today’s man has the pressure of being strong, providing for their family, and acting as a role model to their employees and children. This shortcoming of not regularly sharing their insecurities or anxieties can be isolating and lonely for men. Often they find themselves trying to portray to the world that they are a man who has it all figured out, when deep down they know that they don’t.

As the frustration and exhaustion builds, so does the need to escape - to step outside of themselves and their responsibilities even for a moment. I think too often we say boys will be boys, rather than looking at the root cause of human behavior.

When studying drug addiction, scientists put a rat in a cage with two water bottles. One was laced with heroin and cocaine, and the other, only water. The rat consistently drank only the drugged water until he died of an overdose. The experiment proved the power of chemical addiction. However, a psychologist named Bruce Alexander noticed that the rat was in a cage by himself. So he built a rat park, with lots of balls, tunnels, and other rats to play and have sex with. It was basically rat heaven.

When the same two water bottles were introduced to rat park, the drug laced water was rarely used and no rats overdosed.

He looked at this phenomenon as it related to the war of Vietnam. Several soldiers were using heroin regularly while coping with the conditions of war, and American politicians were concerned that we would have an epidemic of drug addicts returning after the war was over. However 95% of heroin users quit instantly when they came home. Why? They were back at their rat heaven, with friends, family, and no one trying to kill them.

So it’s not just the chemicals, it’s your cage. When we are happy and healthy, we will bond with the people we love in our lives. When we are traumatized, isolated or beaten down by the stress of everyday life, we search for something to give us some sense of relief. It might be incessantly checking your email on your phone, pornography, gambling, watching sports, drinking…whatever.

It’s also important to recognize that isolation is on the rise. The number of close friends people claim to have has decreased every decade since the 50s. Our houses are getting larger, but our family sizes are getting smaller. We seem to be getting ahead, but feel more alone than ever. This is where unhealthy relationships with vices are born.

The solution to addiction is not sobriety. The solution to addiction is connection.

The greatest connection you can have is with God. If you know that you are loved, and you truly believe that no matter what, God will provide for you, the weight you carry will lessen, as will your desire to escape isolation. So before you simply hop on the wagon again, start with strengthening your relationship with God and spending time in community with others.

Man has often misunderstood the blessing of alcohol. Like so many gifts from God, Satan can take what is beautiful and pure and twist it into something that separates rather than unifies. Jesus himself was accused of drinking too much in Matthew 11:19 The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners.’ Jesus chose creating wine in Cana as his first miracle. He chose this same drink as the vehicle to come to us in the Eucharist at every mass. We have a God who came down to earth to show us the proper intent of this unique gift, as well as many others.

So for all of us men who I am blessed with the bonds of your friendship as well as the longing for release from our daily battles, I raise my glass to you. Let us drink to celebrate the joy God himself has provided us, and remember that we are never alone. Then let’s pay the tab and head home, bringing to those we love and fight for, a man with a pure and lightened heart.

I pray that one day, we will realize that the temporarily release from ourselves and this world is simply our cheap substitute for what is stamped into our hearts, a longing for heaven and connection with God.