Doubting Jim

So a few weeks back (July 3rd) we celebrated the feast of St. Thomas the Apostle.  We do not hear much from Thomas in the scriptures, but when we do he is often suspicious and questioning - John 14:5 "we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way?" and John 20:25 "Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe" being 2 prime examples.  In his skepticism Thomas seems to be seeking solid ground to stand on when the words and actions of Christ do not fit well with what his own experiences have taught him. In this attitude of mistrust he deservedly becomes known as “Doubting.”

I have a special affinity for Thomas.  As an engineer, part of my job is to be skeptical as I try to figure out how best to solve a problem - and evidence, especially the kind that can be measured and touched, is always what I am seeking as I search for solid ground.   You could call me 'Doubting Jim' ...

Doubt... 

 Uncertainty... 

 If you take a second to reflect I think you will find, as I do, that doubt is a strong force pulling and tugging at each of us as we navigate the currents of life. Doubt is that inner voice screaming ‘STOP’ when I start to move outside my comfort zone to talk to my kids about pornography. It is the tightness that envelopes my chest and shoulders as I think about asking my wife for forgiveness. It is the rush of queasiness in my stomach  when I allow myself to contemplate that day 3 years from now when, God willing, He places His indelible mark on my soul.

I am certain that doubt was a constant companion for all the Apostles as they traveled with Jesus on his journey to the cross - Christ’s ways were so foreign to what they had known prior. Could they believe what he said and the claims he made? Could they accept what their eyes perceived when he seemed to defy reality? What did it all mean? Could they put all their trust and hope in him?

Can I? 

Can you?

For Thomas, as for you and I and all who struggle this side of heaven, these questions and concerns regarding faith in Jesus continued to cultivate doubt and haunted his search for the true path until - UNTIL - he Encountered the Risen Lord. Not many have or ever will be privileged with the type of encounter Thomas experienced, yet I have no doubt that Jesus longs to meet us in a multitude of other ways.

He is present in the lyrics of a song that moves you, within the tears and deep gaze of a loved one as you say goodbye, in the awe-inspiring beauty of a morning sunrise. The Risen Lord yearns for your attention in the breaking of the bread, the silence of adoration, the smoothness of well worn rosary beads and inside the confessional. 

I personally have encountered Him on CRHP retreats, at LifeTeen Encounter nights, and on the dusty roads of Nicaragua and South Africa. 

 As my eyes meet His in these sacred moments, all doubt seems to fade and like Thomas, all I can muster are the words ‘My Lord, and my God’

He is there for those with eyes to see, so let them see...and believe!