Speak Lord Your Servant is Listening...

Here I am on the other side of the world celebrating mass outside the very spot where Jesus told Simone that he would now be Peter, the rock on which our Catholic Church would be built. We are outside in a small circular amphitheater with an altar in the front. There is a giant olive tree behind the altar, which is all framed by the glistening Sea of Galilee. It’s beautiful. I’m feeling guilty because everyone around me seems so full of excitement, yet I seem to be full of doubt. Why am I here? Did all of this really happen? How do they know?

After mass our guide begins to tell a story. I had heard these passages before, but not like this. He began with when Peter had denied Jesus three times. He mentions that the third time was from a slave who was warming by the fire. After the crucifixion and resurrection, the apostles returned to Galilee. Peter went back to what he knew, fishing. I’m sitting at the very spot where Jesus appeared on the shore, warming himself next to a fire, reminding Peter of that final denial. Peter doesn’t recognize his friend. There are several instances in the New Testament where people who should know Jesus don’t recognize him. Our guide suggested that when we allow sin to creep back into our life, it becomes more difficult for us to see truth. Peter finally realizes who it is after this stranger helped them fill their nets again with fish. Jesus invites them to come and have breakfast. I touched the rock believed to be where they all gathered to eat.

This is when Jesus asked Peter “Simone, son of John, do you love me more than these? Peter answers, “Yes Lord, I love you.” First of all, Jesus doesn’t call him Peter. He calls him Simone. Ouch. Peter is getting ready to learn another lesson from his master. The word Jesus used for love when he asks the question, was the highest form of unconditional love -“agape". When Peter responded to Jesus, the word he used was a much lower form of the word - “phileo” which is more of a friendship love. It was almost like replying, “Yes Lord, I like you.” Here Jesus repeats the question three times, reminding Peter again of the three times he denied him. The third time Jesus concedes and uses the word phileo. Jesus is calling Peter to a deeper love, however Peter is admitting to Jesus, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I 'phileo' you”. Jesus is compromising with Peter, meeting him where he is at. This man has denied Jesus in his greatest time of need. He tried to walk on the water, but started to sink because as Jesus points out, he has little faith. And here he is admitting that his love for Jesus is not the same deep, unwavering love that Jesus has for him. This is the rock Jesus chose to build the church.

At times, I am just like Peter, wanting to go back to a simple life of fishing, denying His call for my life. We also went to the spot where the miracle of the loaves and fishes took place. As I am picturing the thousands of people across the terrain, I think of the broken Peter like ‘phileo’ love I have for God, and pray that he will multiply it into something beautiful.