Held Hostage

Recently, while running a charitable 5K, one of our team members, a Catholic, spoke harshly about the Church … and rightfully so. Though unrelated to his personal experience and situation, he tethered his justification and logic for abandoning his faith additionally to the sexual abuse by clergy punctuated with the Bishop’s poor comments related to incidents recently accented by the media. I, too, am angered by crimes committed against children as I am about anyone committing crimes against them. I can understand the mistrust people feel because the perpetrators in these instances are men they trusted freely and unconditionally. My friend has every right to be bitter toward representatives of the Church with respect to his situation. However, coupling his pain to unrelated negative events impedes clarity. What he has failed to realize is that these very painful events own him. He does not own the situation, but is held hostage to it.

As a long time sponsor of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes in the school where I teach, I am reminded of a session designed by the students pertaining to critical attributes associated with successful relationships. Though the boys were engaged, the girls devoted the most work into making the meeting thoughtful and provoking. They gathered questionnaires and lists from popular sources describing these special attributes. The collective “top five” attributes surprised me; not what made the list but what did not make any list.  A youngster immediately spoke, “Forgiveness should be a top five attribute,” unfortunately missing from the popular lists.

 I, in no way, want to trivialize my friend’s painful and traumatic events or those events that separate our brothers and sisters from the Church. However, in the goodness of the men and women in our community healing awaits. Years ago, I was deeply moved, when Monsignor Dempsey, a profound shepherd, addressed our parish family with an apology for the actions committed by other members of the clergy. His words humbled me. He was himself, wounded, never to be as freely trusted by families because of the actions of others. During the Mass honoring Fr. Chris for his service to Holy Infant, Fr. Chris introduced his homily with an apology for words (I paraphrase) he may have spoken or failed to speak, for phone calls he may have failed to return, or instances he may not have been truly present. Of all possible introductions, he led with an apology. If you attended the Deacons’, Dan Henke and Dan Raidt, Thanksgiving Mass following their recent ordination, they asked for our understanding for they “were going to make mistakes….” Letting go, rebuilding, healing is exhausting, draining, all-consuming, not easy … forgiveness is expensive.

I’d be the first to tell one, I don’t take my own medicine very well. I don’t always get something at Mass, but then I don’t always show up (figuratively) either. To grow in our faith, I must invest in the grace that has been invested in me. The Church is a body of many parts, a human institution. It’s endured the bad and the ugly at a very human cost while growing with the good at an even greater human investment. Pope Francis is emphasizing new and open dialogue with the members of the body of our catholic Church. Anyone in a genuine relationship realizes forgiveness is a two-way street. The wounded need the help and support of friends, professionals, priests. We as friends, professional, priests must continue to reach out. I know when I have struggled with faith in isolation; I have missed so much whether in the Mass, PX-90, CRHP, hour devotional and many other opportunities. (Often, it has been when I least expect it, an individual I didn’t even know touched me.) Other’s journeys have offered me, an outside observer, grace. Often our wounded feel ostracized, and like an injured cat, seeks seclusion hoping to mend while an infestation of bitterness creeps in to steal life away. One must not allow ugly events to own them and miss the opportunities for healing, for life. Yes, forgiveness is expensive, well worth the cost … being held hostage threatens life.