World's Best Dad

As Father's day approaches I typically find myself reviewing my performance as a Dad over the last 12 months to see if I truly deserve the cards, special treatment, and affection.

My oldest is heading to college now, so this is my 18th Father's Day and as this one comes to pass, I've come to a not so politically correct assessment.  We are spoiling our kids.

Most of the men reading these posts are careful about not having material possessions dominate their lives or their family's lives.  I'm not talking about buying them a pony or an Xbox One.  I'm talking about spending too much quality time with our children.

Hear me out.  My generation watched father's from a distance.  They cheered on our sporting events, but were not greatly involved in the details of our lives growing up.  As we grew older and watched shows and read books about parenting, we began to look back with a new distaste for the way we were raised.  Swearing never to neglect our Fatherly duties, we took pride in changing diapers and showing up for every mid-day play at school.  Father/Daughter dances, field trips, and nights out to the Cardinal game.  The restaurants we choose, the movies we watch, the vehicle we drive, the vacations we take are all centered around the needs and wants of our children.  Don't get me wrong.  This is a beautiful thing and the loving bond you form with your child is one of God's greatest gifts here on earth.  But beware.  If you are involved with every detail of your kid's life, if you are showing them with your actions that they are the most important thing on this earth, if you overcompensate for the poor relationships you had growing up by smothering rather than guiding, who are you really doing it for? You or them?  When your little baby leaves the nest, is she/he prepared?  Will the reality that they are not the center of the universe become a rude awakening?

All I'm suggesting is that when you work late, you're not a bad dad.  You are showing your kids what it takes to provide.

When you come home and kiss your wife first and talk to her about her day and ask the kids to wait in the kitchen while you share a glass of wine on the deck, don't feel bad when they press there faces against the glass.   You are showing them how to love a spouse.

If you play golf with your friends on occasion, it gives your family the opportunity to put there needs on the back burner for a bit, which in the end teaches patience and humility.

And above all else, let them see that your relationship with God is paramount in your life.  There is no contest between your devotion to Him and them.  He comes first.  This gives them the important lesson of looking up for eternal perfect love, not here, not even in their closest earthly relationships.

Step one in being a good Father is to put your needs below the needs of your God and your family.

Step two is realizing the difference between serving them, and serving your own fears of failure.  Do what is best for them, not what makes you appear to your neighbor as the perfect Dad.  It is an important distinction.

So go ahead and let them drive your new car, sleep in your bed, and go to that recital in Kansas City for her 3 minutes of fame.  But then go to dinner with your wife, and when they ask why they can't come with you, tell them, "Because I love you."